The Lazy Way Out

The subject of divorce has always been contentious; its proponents argue that it is the best way to resolve irresoluble conflicts between married couples. Their justification is asking, “Why suffer?” But I propose it is a cowardly and lazy solution for redressing disputes between proud couples. It is also devoid of love – the kind of love the Bible teaches.

So we read in Matthew 19:3-10 “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning, it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.”

Thus we see here that at this time, the Pharisees, the Jews, and even the disciples struggled with the issue of divorce. One might suspect that the disciples’ comment “…it is not good to marry” was an interjection of disagreement rather than a proposed prescription for single men to avoid dissensions that are sure to arise in any marriage. Such advice would, of course, run counter to God’s command of multiplying, not to mention that marriage is really God’s idea. Not marrying can also lead to fornication and all sorts of abominations that we see today so rampant in the LGBT+ circle that is destroying the lives of its practitioners. I have to resist digressing from the main topic.

Do the followers of Christ have the solution for avoiding marriage conflicts and keeping them from getting to the breaking point? Of course, we have! These are all provided by God in His Word. All we need to do is RTM (Read The Manual) just as what you’d do when your car manifests abnormal behavior. And you don’t look up a Nissan manual if your car happens to be a BMW. God’s manual contains all the how-tos we will ever need to navigate all of life’s treacherous paths and help us stay safe and on course toward our final destination.

According to Shelly R. Warren in her online article on marriage.com titled, “10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce”, these are:

1. Infidelity or an extramarital affair;
2. Trouble with finances;
3. Lack of communication;
4. Constant arguing;
5. Weight gain;
6. Unrealistic expectations;
7. Lack of intimacy;
8. Lack of equality;
9. Not being prepared for marriage; and,
10. Physical and emotional abuse.

I will not reproduce the content of those points as those are self-explanatory. I will, however, as briefly as possible, comment on each point from a Biblical perspective, referring to John in 1John 2:16. Let’s go.

1. Infidelity is the fulfillment of the lust of the flesh which starts from a vacuous mind or an idle mind which we know is the devil’s workshop. But do you know that an idle mind is one that we WILL upon ourselves? When we intentionally and habitually fill our minds with spiritually worthless stuff (reading, listening to, watching media productions that contain stories and “morals” by the unregenerate under the excuse of “entertainment”) we are putting up a sign over our minds saying, “Room for FREE Rent”. To avoid having tenants that do not intend to leave, we should instead direct our minds on “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise”, and then to, “think on these things” in Philippians 4:8.

I am not condemning all productions by the heathen to the garbage bin. Some productions delve into nature, science, and human behavior, for example, that the Christian can learn from as he/she relates these to Biblical truth. These are the materials that can indirectly build us up when we appreciate how accurate the Bible is in describing the world we live in. But I am digressing.

2. Trouble with finances can be a result of the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. Read the Manual on how to deal with those three and that will arrest the financial hemorrhage.
3. Lack of communication is an indication of the pride of life. God humbled Himself to communicate with humanity. What keeps you from doing the same? Do you think your spouse is lesser and lower than you? Don’t wait until something shattering happens to your inflated ego. Or do you think you are much lower than your spouse and are ashamed to communicate? Jesus thought of Himself as a servant and yet communicated the Father’s message of love not just with His words but with His actions. Low self-esteem is just inverted pride. Choosing to wallow in it is a statement to God, “You made me like this. Therefore, You are to blame, not me.”
4. Constant arguing is the product of all three but chiefly from the pride of life. When minds collide that only means they have taken a collision course. If such minds are pointed and headed for Christ, they will run parallel and never bump against each other. When one spouse knows he/she is running on the straight path and the other bumps, forgiveness, understanding, and prayer is the key to helping the other back on the parallel road and stay on the same Biblical page.
5. Weight gain is pure lust of the flesh, but it may have underlying problems, which can be unearthed and ministered to by honest dialogue between the couple. By the way, I have always had a secret aversion toward overweight preachers because keeping a healthy weight is a willful act. Anorexia is just as bad. Just saying.
6. Unrealistic expectations can again be corrected by number three above. This situation, however, could have been avoided if, at the courtship stage, both had taken the time to conduct due diligence on their lifelong partner, and evaluated the prospects of what married life would be like with him/her.
7. Lack of intimacy is again solvable by number three above. In such conversations, both should be as open and honest to each other, and then end up the conversation with commitments to continue making their union enjoyable and joyful. Ms. Warren notes that “…physical or emotional intimacy isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, know that it can become ground for divorce over time.” For this, I highly recommend the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Paul White. Read this with your spouse, and discuss with each other what your love language(s) is, or are. Then, commit to each other that you will practice this for the rest of your life.
8. Lack of equality is again reducible to number three above.
9. Not being prepared for marriage is the one thing that elicits a “duh” from me. Read number three and number 6 above.
10. Physical and emotional abuse can come from a spiritual disorder or also as a result of all three. If the pieces of advice in numbers three, four, six, and seven are inapplicable, do ask God for wisdom and He will not disappoint you. You may also approach your pastor and ask for help. A mature Christian can detect a spiritual disorder at its early manifestation and can break its power by the power and authority of the Name of Jesus and the Blood of Christ. The support and prayers of the saints can also help the marriage clean and uninfested.

God authored marriage and He intended it to be lifelong. When people circumvent that and conjure up unbiblical ways to make a troubled couple’s individual lives “well” again, that usually means separated lives or at best band-aid on a grievous wound. The wrong procedure used for the right diagnosis can only make the disease worse.

The instances laid down by the Lord Jesus, which justify divorce (Matthew 19:9), lead only to the conclusion that divorce can be avoided by the couple staying faithful to each other and most importantly, making sure that Jesus stays at the center of their individual lives, allowing Him to rule over them, and allowing His peace, joy, and love to abound in each of their hearts. Let this be so in every Christian home.

So What’ll It Be For You?

Is your marriage in a troubled state? Would you like to experience a strong and loving marriage relationship with your spouse? If so, the first thing you should do is get right with God. Enter into a real and loving relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ Who came and paid for the penalty of your sins. When you do that, He will start His work of rejuvenating you and your marriage. The best thing is, that He will make sure you will end up in eternity with Him in His Kingdom! If you refuse Him, you have everything to lose – even an eternity in hell! I care about you and fear for your soul.

So, friend, let me ask you a loving question. If you died tonight, where do you think you will end up? If you are unsure of your eternal destiny, now is the time to make your life right with God. You see, all human beings (me included) are sinners! If you would honestly assess yourself right now, you probably have lied to someone. Or have taken something that did not belong to you. You might have looked at someone with lust in your heart. Or hated someone and wished him/her evil. Or, used God’s name as a cuss word. If so, that makes you a lying thief, an adulterer, a murderer, and a blasphemer! From God’s Ten Commandments, I think you know where such kinds of people end up already. I don’t want you to end up in hell! Neither does God!

So God sent Jesus to earth on a rescue mission! That’s what it says in John 3:16. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

All who turn to God in humble repentance, coming back to The Creator and ask for forgiveness, believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God who gave His life on the cross as payment for sin, Who rose again on the third day, ascended to heaven and is coming back to take all His believers with Him to heaven, you can receive forgiveness for your sins and be restored into a relationship with God!

All you need to do is repent, ask Him to forgive you, and entrust your present and future to Jesus Christ. If you are sincere, the Bible says you are SAVED and made as new again! “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation. The Scripture says, “WHOEVER BELIEVES ON HIM WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME.” (Romans 10:9-11)

You can stop being ashamed of what you’ve made out of your life. Guilt does not have to haunt you until your dying day. Accept the offer from Jesus and receive His Gift of eternal life today. Hurry! This offer is good only until the Rapture!

If you’ve made a decision to believe in Jesus, let me know! I wish to help you grow in your new faith in the God of the Bible Whose promises never fail.

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Until then, God bless you!